I have been reflecting on how assumptions shape social relationships.
A pattern I have noticed is the tension between assumed competence and assumed incompetence.
At times, I am excluded from decisions or invitations because it is presumed that something will be overwhelming for me. While often well-intended, this removes my agency and reinforces the idea that my capacity should be pre-judged.
At other times, when I do experience overwhelm or dysregulation, it is interpreted as a personal failing rather than a nervous system response. In those moments, support is replaced with distance.
This creates a double bind:
If I am perceived as incapable, I am excluded.
If I am perceived as fully capable, I am unsupported.
Neither reflects the reality of my neurodivergent experience.
Inclusion requires asking rather than assuming. It requires recognising that capacity is contextual, not fixed, and that autonomy and support can coexist.